Pick-Up Lines
by The Emcee
Summary: Ivan, a transfer student, doesn't quite know how to tell Alfred how he feels about him. What better way than to use pick-up lines? What could possibly go wrong? RusAme. Slash. One-shot.


Title: Pick-Up Lines

Author: The Emcee

Pairing: RusAme

Summary: Ivan, a new transfer student, doesn't quite know how to tell Alfred how he feels about him. What better way than to use pick-up lines? What could possibly go wrong?

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: I thought that it'd be funny if Russia tried to use pick-up lines to ask someone out. And since I love me some RusAme, I chose America (was there ever any doubt?). R&R. Enjoy!

**~…~**

**Pick-Up Lines**

**~…~**

Ivan had been in the United States for three years. Although he still didn't have many friends, what with being the 'crazy, weird Russian kid', he considered himself close to Alfred, who had first helped him out greatly when he first moved back in eighth grade. Alfred had shone him around the school, introduced him to the teachers, helped him with his classes, and even showed him around town. So, it was only natural that Ivan would grow incredibly fond of his first American friend. The feeling he got whenever he thought of Alfred made him feel light and fluffy and warm, kind of like how he felt when he looked at the sunflowers growing in his backyard, only magnified significantly.

But Ivan had a problem. He wasn't too sure how exactly to tell Alfred about his feelings without scaring him off. That would not do, not at all. Alfred was very important to him and he would be devastated and angry with himself if he botched up his confession and lost the one person he held most dear. And that was why he went online to look up pick-up lines. Francis, a friend of Alfred's and, therefore, a kind of friend of Ivan's, told him that if he was in doubt, pick-up lines almost always worked.

Well, Francis, being French, certainly knew what he was doing, da? Hence, why Ivan had a print out of many pick-up lines in his hands as he approached Alfred at his locker before the bell rang for first period.

"Hey, Ivan! How's it going?" Alfred asked him, smiling at him brightly, just like he always did.

"Fredka, I would like to touch you because the angels told me so," Ivan said, smiling back at the shorter blonde. Alfred blinked at him and looked a bit…strange. Like his stomach was suddenly hurting.

"Uh…Ivan? Are you okay, buddy?" Alfred asked him. "You're kind of creeping me out."

Ivan frowned. Clearly, he would need to use another pick-up line because the one he used obviously had not done its job. Glancing down at the paper in his hands, Ivan read the first line he saw.

"I have lost myself because your eyes stole my map," Ivan said with a smile. Alfred closed his locker and took a step back from him.

"Okaaay," he said, elongating the word. "Yeah, so, um…see you next period?" Before Ivan could respond, he rushed off.

Perhaps those two pick-up lines were too overused and as such Alfred was familiar with them. He was quite popular and attractive; many people had already asked him out and they must have used those lines because he declined all of them. It is so matter; Ivan had an entire page worth of pick-up lines. Alfred would know how he felt next period.

~…~

"Ivan, buddy, are you feeling any better?" Alfred asked as he sat down beside Ivan in their Economy class. "You seemed a little…weird earlier."

"Da, I am fine," Ivan replied. "But Alfred, your buns are so nice, your dad must bake them every day."

The bell rang, signaling the start of second period. Ivan frowned as the teacher began talking, but he glanced over at Alfred and saw that he looked a bit uncomfortable. Perhaps his stomach ache from earlier had gotten worse? That would not do.

Once class was over, Alfred and Ivan walked to their shared third period Algebra Two class, which they also shared with another friend of Alfred's, Arthur. Scanning his violet eyes down the paper, the taller boy found a line he hadn't used yet and decided to give it a shot.

"Fredka?" he asked, smiling softly down at him.

"Yeah, Ivan?" Alfred asked, looking up at him with a slightly startled expression. They hadn't talked since leaving class and the sudden break in silence was a bit surprising, but the light blush that coated Alfred's checks was adorable.

"I have coffee with cream because the sugar is yours!" Ivan said with a bit more enthusiasm. Perhaps that was what he was lacking: the confident spark that showed how much he cared for the shorter blonde.

"Oh, look, we're here at math class!" Alfred said, completely ignoring Ivan's line and looking everywhere but at the Russian. That made Ivan frown. Had someone else used that line too? How odd…

"Arthur! Hey!" Alfred said as they stepped inside the classroom.

Arthur was already seated and Alfred quickly made his way over to him. Ivan, unfortunately, was not lucky enough to sit next to Alfred; instead, his seat was on the other side of the room. As he sat down, he saw Alfred bend his head and start talking to Arthur in a low whisper. That made Ivan's frown deeper. Was something going on between them? Surely, that cannot be so because Alfred was his. If Arthur didn't know that, he would by the end of the day. But why wouldn't Alfred had told him that he was with Arthur? He told him just about everything…

They parted ways after Algebra, but not before Ivan had a chance to tell Alfred, "My prayers are all answered by you because you're religious." Several other kids who had heard him say that stopped to gawk at him as though he grew another head. Ivan did not get it and he was quickly losing faith in the pick-up lines Francis had sworn by.

But he tried again at lunch. With his tray in hand, he sat down beside Alfred at their usual lunch table, the one next to the door to the courtyard and the doors to the hallway. Yao was already at the table along with Kiku since they both always packed their lunches. Ivan, having had class closest to the cafeteria, had arrived at the table before the rest of their group. Soon, though, he was joined by Alfred, sitting on his right, Arthur, Francis, Ludwig, and Feliciano. And that was when he decided to give it another shot.

"Alfred," Ivan said. Alfred finished chewing and turned to look at him, his expression one of slight concern and hesitance.

"Somethin' up, Vanya?" he asked. Ah, it felt good to hear Alfred say his nickname. It gave him a much need boos of confidence.

"The reason your bed rocks is because Fred Flintstone told me to do so," Ivan said, smiling what he hoped was a confident smile.

Arthur snorted as he took a drink of his milk and had to hold napkins up to his nose and mouth. Francis stared at Ivan as though he had lost his mind. Ludwig paled ever so slightly and looked unsure of what to say. The expression on Yao's face was one of horror and fear. Only Kiku and Feliciano looked puzzled and confused by his pick-up line. Was it the line? Was there something wrong with what he had said?

"Ivan, let's go out into the courtyard," Alfred suggested, rising from his seat. "We need to talk."

That…did not sound promising. Nevertheless, Ivan rose from his seat and followed the American out of the cafeteria and into the mostly deserted courtyard. It being March, it was still slightly chilly outside, so most of the kids opted to stay inside, which gave them some privacy for whatever Alfred wanted to talk about. Was he going to tell Ivan that he had heard all of those pick-up lines and that he wanted something more original? Ivan didn't think he'd be able to come up with pick-up lines off the top of his head right now, but given a few days, he could probably think of something.

They stopped under a tree by the low brick wall that separated the grassy area from the courtyard and Alfred looked up at him, his blue eyes meeting Ivan's violet ones.

"What has been going on with you today? You've been acting really weird since you got here this morning and to be honest, it's kind of scaring me," Alfred said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking worried. "Spill."

"I...well, it is embarrassing," Ivan admitted to him, blushing ever so slightly and looking down.

"Ivan, I'm not going to laugh at you or anything like that," Alfred told him, the sincerity in his expression clearly reflected in his voice. "You're my friend and I lo…care about you very much. So tell me."

Ivan bent his head and sighed. He pulled out the folded list of pick-up lines he had printed off of the Internet and held it up for Alfred to see.

"I asked Francis to help me find a way to tell you how I feel about you," Ivan confessed to him. "He told me that pick-up lines worked great, so…I printed some out. But they apparently aren't working very well…"

"How you…feel about me?" Alfred asked him, his face starting to turn red. He looked adorable. Ivan raised his head and met Alfred's gaze.

"Da. I…I love you, Fredka. I have for very long, now," Ivan said before a slight blush dusted his pale cheeks.

"You…love me?" Alfred asked, appearing stunned.

"Da. Very much so," Ivan said.

"And you thought…botched pick-up lines would work?" Alfred asked, grinning slightly. "Didn't you think that you could have just…y'know, told me?"

"I…did not think of that," Ivan said, unable to say how hard it had been to confess his feelings.

"Silly Vanya," Alfred said before he stepped into Ivan's arms, which wrapped themselves around his smaller body automatically. "I love you too, Ivan. That's why I turned all of those other guys down." Ivan smiled down at him brightly, feeling very happy and assured.

"So, it wasn't because of overused pick-up lines?" he asked.

"No, but please don't use any more of those pick-up lines. I'm pretty sure you scared half of the student body with them today," Alfred said.

"Deal," Ivan said before he bent his head slightly to place a chaste kiss on Alfred's lips.

He supposed that pick-up lines worked after all, if not in the way he had thought they would.


End file.
